Auto Emissions

Who could have ever predicted the demise, or nearly so, of Chrysler and General Motors? An easier prediction, in light of those failures, is a complete, or nearly so, revamping of the US auto manufacturing industry. What an opportunity to introduce some new technology. Auto emissions are a hot topic today (no pun intended) what with global warming, but I think we should also address another emission that, so far, has escaped scrutiny: noise.

Horns have been standard equipment on cars since the days of Henry Ford and there was a time when they served an useful purpose. But that time has gone. The “time” I mention had no drivers with cell phones or ipods nor cars with deluxe sound systems. Yesterday’s driver would give the horn a honk when pulling up to the curb so as to alert any would-be passenger. Today’s hi-tech automotive operators wouldn’t be caught dead without a way to call or text ahead and announce their impending arrival.

In today’s world, we need the horn for the express purpose of alerting others to our impending arrival into their bumper or side panel or (god forbid) windshield. We push the appropriate portion of our steering wheel, the appropriate klaxon blares into space, but the signal is rarely received because most drivers are rocking out to the latest tunes on their 8 speaker, maxi-bass, entertainment system better suited for the Hollywood Bowl. The only folks receiving the alert are pedestrians and the poor bastards with no sound system, air conditioning, or other buffer keeping the outside world at bay. While members of these two groups may well benefit from the blaring of the horn, they are both endangered species and will soon die out, regardless, so why further delay an inevitable extinction?

OK, we won’t cull out those folks, but how about this: we limit the scope of the good old car horn. If the car is stopped, you can get but one little beep out of the thing to politely alert the driver in front of you that the light has turned green or something similar. If the car is moving, a slight increase is warranted in both volume and duration so we can all beep-beep when we leave the latest family reunion or similar scene of good fellowship and frivolity. Anything louder is dependent solely upon the amount of braking action being applied. As brake pressure increases so does the volume of our not-so-distant early warning system. And, when the brakes are released, the screech of the horn disappears right along with the screech of the tires. All of a sudden, we’ve quieted our city streets and made a leisurely stroll more enjoyable. Of course, pissed off drivers must now find a new button to push in order to release their inner tension.

But let’s not stop there: while we’re at it, let’s put a sensor on the exterior of our “cars of the future” that monitors the level of music coming from the interior of the vehicle. This little wonder will modulate the volume (and, most importantly, bass) of our aforementioned sound systems when their emanations start to echo beyond the confines of the passenger compartment. We can now pull up to another car at an intersection confident in the knowledge that we will not be assaulted by random woofers and tweeters.

Small problems, you might think, as you mull over my proposition in the quiet of your home, or bath, or bathroom. But re-mull the next time you’re out in the real world surrounded by a million of your closest friends. Wouldn’t it be a nicer place without the never-ending blare? I think so.