Addicted to Lust

Who would have thought that the airwaves would be filled with discussions over the validity of sex addiction? Now, I know the news channels need to fill their schedule with something, but this? Spend a few minutes with me and I think we can put this baby to rest.

First of all, men are driven to procreate. It is in our DNA and ensures the continuation of the species. Second of all, men are aroused visually. Women? Not as necessarily so. One need look no further than the monthly men’s magazines that adorn the shelves of just about any store featuring printed material. Thirdly, men tend to become bored with the same sexual menu over time. Once again, the monthly magazines prove my point in that, after thirty days or so, most men are interested in gazing at a whole new assortment of naked females. Someone once told me that, for every beautiful woman, there is a man tired of sleeping with her. So we have a man who is easily bored and looking for new conquests. Anyone surprised yet?

Now, take our male and toss a commitment into the mix: marriage. Men do not get married for sex. Regular sex, perhaps, but we’ve already established that, over time, even the best sex becomes mundane. No, men get married for other reasons: companionship, love, the need of children, financial security, image, and so forth. None of the forgoing are bad reasons to get hitched and I’ll grant you that sex is an important part of the decision. Nevertheless, the fires of lust slowly transform into a lower, yet steady, flame of love, friendship, and a deeper realization of the importance of one’s mate. Theoretically, any way.

Some men are drawn to venture outside their marriage (and their vows of faithfulness) in search of that which can never be found: a relationship whose emotions will remain at a fever pitch into perpetuity. Or just the simple case of getting some “strange”. Either way, their only “crime” is a violation of a moral obligation to remain faithful. (Yes, I know that a would-be John is in trouble if found with a hooker, but this is more a legal sticking point than a truly criminal act.)

Most men who fall into this trap eventually wind up getting caught and either reconcile with their wives or hire a good divorce attorney. Unless, of course, the man in question has a financial stake in preserving the once-sanctified marital bliss. Or perhaps a public persona that has now lost its luster. Tiger Woods, for instance, or the more recent Jesse James. Tiger had the world by the balls, but his philandering finally caught up with him. Likewise, Jesse had Sandra Bullock on his arm and had it made in the proverbial shade. They’ve risked everything and, in an effort to retain some scintilla of a secure future, they claim that they are addicted to sex. “Couldn’t help it, honey: the devil made me do it.” If their wives fall for this crock of crap, they deserve what is sure to follow. A regular guy would stand up, take his medicine, deal with the consequences, and move on. Wiser, hopefully, but one can never tell. But rich and/or famous men can claim a higher ground and, in so doing, perhaps avoid the pitfalls of financial and personal ruin.

And this is where the sex addiction clinics come onto the scene. What, exactly, do these sex addiction clinics do? Are there classes? “Resistance to harsh interrogation techniques”, for instance, or perhaps copies of Ronald Reagan’s “Just say no” speech. And there’s always “Creative Cooking with Salt Peter”. No, this addiction isn’t harmful to an individual or society. It is not illegal and provides no ill-gotten gains. Hell, it’s not even an addiction. It’s simply the way men are wired and provides nothing but smoke and mirrors for those able to afford it. So I’d say that these clinics fill a need to find a way to keep the gravy train running smoothly for others while bringing in a good bit of gravy of their own.

No one thinks that a man gets married and immediately loses the urge to roam. Hell, most of us never lose the urge. And that, precisely, is what makes marriage the most unique partnership we know. A man commits his fidelity to a specific woman in the face of facts that show he will one day be tempted to stray. He knows it, she knows it, and they both trust that they will be different. And some are. Not every marriage includes infidelity and I’d venture to say the numbers of cheating are below 50%. The fact that a man can resist temptation for the love of his woman represents an enviable accomplishment and shouldn’t be understated. The rest need to own up to their failings and either return to bachelorhood or concentrate on a new set of priorities (sans the sex rehab).