Addicted to Lust

Who would have thought that the airwaves would be filled with discussions over the validity of sex addiction? Now, I know the news channels need to fill their schedule with something, but this? Spend a few minutes with me and I think we can put this baby to rest.

First of all, men are driven to procreate. It is in our DNA and ensures the continuation of the species. Second of all, men are aroused visually. Women? Not as necessarily so. One need look no further than the monthly men’s magazines that adorn the shelves of just about any store featuring printed material. Thirdly, men tend to become bored with the same sexual menu over time. Once again, the monthly magazines prove my point in that, after thirty days or so, most men are interested in gazing at a whole new assortment of naked females. Someone once told me that, for every beautiful woman, there is a man tired of sleeping with her. So we have a man who is easily bored and looking for new conquests. Anyone surprised yet?

Now, take our male and toss a commitment into the mix: marriage. Men do not get married for sex. Regular sex, perhaps, but we’ve already established that, over time, even the best sex becomes mundane. No, men get married for other reasons: companionship, love, the need of children, financial security, image, and so forth. None of the forgoing are bad reasons to get hitched and I’ll grant you that sex is an important part of the decision. Nevertheless, the fires of lust slowly transform into a lower, yet steady, flame of love, friendship, and a deeper realization of the importance of one’s mate. Theoretically, any way.

Some men are drawn to venture outside their marriage (and their vows of faithfulness) in search of that which can never be found: a relationship whose emotions will remain at a fever pitch into perpetuity. Or just the simple case of getting some “strange”. Either way, their only “crime” is a violation of a moral obligation to remain faithful. (Yes, I know that a would-be John is in trouble if found with a hooker, but this is more a legal sticking point than a truly criminal act.)

Most men who fall into this trap eventually wind up getting caught and either reconcile with their wives or hire a good divorce attorney. Unless, of course, the man in question has a financial stake in preserving the once-sanctified marital bliss. Or perhaps a public persona that has now lost its luster. Tiger Woods, for instance, or the more recent Jesse James. Tiger had the world by the balls, but his philandering finally caught up with him. Likewise, Jesse had Sandra Bullock on his arm and had it made in the proverbial shade. They’ve risked everything and, in an effort to retain some scintilla of a secure future, they claim that they are addicted to sex. “Couldn’t help it, honey: the devil made me do it.” If their wives fall for this crock of crap, they deserve what is sure to follow. A regular guy would stand up, take his medicine, deal with the consequences, and move on. Wiser, hopefully, but one can never tell. But rich and/or famous men can claim a higher ground and, in so doing, perhaps avoid the pitfalls of financial and personal ruin.

And this is where the sex addiction clinics come onto the scene. What, exactly, do these sex addiction clinics do? Are there classes? “Resistance to harsh interrogation techniques”, for instance, or perhaps copies of Ronald Reagan’s “Just say no” speech. And there’s always “Creative Cooking with Salt Peter”. No, this addiction isn’t harmful to an individual or society. It is not illegal and provides no ill-gotten gains. Hell, it’s not even an addiction. It’s simply the way men are wired and provides nothing but smoke and mirrors for those able to afford it. So I’d say that these clinics fill a need to find a way to keep the gravy train running smoothly for others while bringing in a good bit of gravy of their own.

No one thinks that a man gets married and immediately loses the urge to roam. Hell, most of us never lose the urge. And that, precisely, is what makes marriage the most unique partnership we know. A man commits his fidelity to a specific woman in the face of facts that show he will one day be tempted to stray. He knows it, she knows it, and they both trust that they will be different. And some are. Not every marriage includes infidelity and I’d venture to say the numbers of cheating are below 50%. The fact that a man can resist temptation for the love of his woman represents an enviable accomplishment and shouldn’t be understated. The rest need to own up to their failings and either return to bachelorhood or concentrate on a new set of priorities (sans the sex rehab).

A Beleaguered Relative

Every family has one: a relative who seems to have outstayed their welcome and falls to the bottom of the “who do we like best” list. We (America) have just such an unsavory relative: our uncle (a rich one, at that) whom we refer to as Uncle Sam. Uncle Sam has been around since the War of 1812 and has portrayed the embodiment of the government under which we operate. Lately, though, he has fallen into disfavor and I think he’s getting a bum rap.

Uncle Sam has lasted a good long while and survived under guiding hands that were better suited for other lines of work. He has endured booms and busts, wars and peace all the while protecting his family and providing for it at the same time. Someone recently described government as that which provides in ways that individuals cannot and I think that’s an apt portrayal.

Would you want to rely on a never-ending number of folks in charge of the highways and other parts of our infrastructure? Traveling from one town (or county or state) to the next would entail a wide range of conditions if it were not for a governmental agency overseeing the consistency. Want to put in your own water system or street lights? I doubt it, yet we are railing against what is currently seen as a greater role of government in our daily lives.

The latest, of course, is health care reform. Can we agree that innocent, hard-working people are being ground into grist as they try to cover exorbitant medical bills? If so, can we agree that something must be done to prevent the further degradation in the health of our “family”? The free market? Well, I haven’t seen much voluntary reform from insurance companies or hospitals or trial lawyers, have you? And the Republican chant of “the wrong way to reform” strikes me odd since that group controlled the White House and Congress from 2000-2006 and made not so much as a peep for a change in the way we deal with our sick and uninsured. That tells me they were pretty happy with the status quo and today’s mewlings from the right are more about sour grapes and less about you and me.

Uncle Sam is wasteful, you cry, and chockfull of abuse. You mean just like every other bureaucratic enterprise? Enron, AIG, and the like? Boy, now those guys knew how to run a company, huh? We all laugh at the poster where five men are leaning on shovels while one digs and we compare that to the efficiency of Uncle Sam. Have you ever needed assistance with a household project? Your helper(s) spends a good deal of time standing around awaiting your instructions or for you to complete a portion where assistance is not required. How long would it take to finish the job if you sent him home until the very moment you needed him? And how efficient? Larger construction projects, whether private or public, differ only in scale and the idleness of some is inherent in the tasks at hand.

Yes, there’s a good bit of Uncle Sam in our lives today, but most is concerned with keeping us safe and productive. The EPA, the FDA, the FCC, and the myriad of other agencies are all tasked, in one way or another, with safeguarding and/or regulating our food, water, medicines, work places, highways, and the like. If we had something I call corporate conscience, most of these departments could be disbanded. But it seems that we don’t and we need our Uncle to come in and make sure no one is selling us snake oil. That takes money and inspectors: two crucial elements left to whither on the vine in recent years and such failures lead us only to lament more loudly about our Uncle’s impotence.

The frustration with our current economic lot and the associated challenges it poses is more than understandable. To castigate our Uncle Sam and brand him as the root of all of our misery is nothing more than a campaign slogan used by those on the outside looking to be those on the inside. Remember Newt Gingrich’s Congressional Revolution of 1994 and his Contract With America? Read Joe Scarborough’s “Rome Wasn’t Burnt In a Day” and you’ll see what I mean.

In the meantime, let’s give our Uncle Sam a break. The system that created him is still the best available and we need to separate the rhetoric from the reason before we can identify the true level of governmental intrusion and whether its presence is helpful or hurtful. It takes a little more effort, true, but what’s that they say about “any thing worth having...”?

Breaking News

It’s hard to turn on any newscast today without seeing or hearing the phrase “Breaking News”. An attention getter, for sure, but is it being used too loosely? First of all, the only news that is truly breaking is that which is occurring right now and will not last an inordinate amount of time. An earthquake, for instance. Or the vote on medical reform (so long as the vote is imminent, taking place, or just completed). It won’t be “breaking” come tomorrow or the next day or the next. Maybe a “top story”, but that’s all it warrants by then. My other thought concerns the almost routine usage of this phrase. What with 24/7 news channels, isn’t some kind of news breaking by the second? Of course there is, but is it newsworthy?

I’m afraid that, in an attempt to keep pace with the more spontaneous internet updates available, the more traditional news gatherers are inserting hype where it needn’t appear. Not too long ago, newspapers and wire services allowed their content to be placed on the web free of charge. Their cash flows were healthy and they saw nothing wrong in cultivating a new frontier (the internet) for future users. Well, the cash flow has dried up and now many of us turn to the “free” format on line to get our daily dose of information. Rumors persist that the free ride is coming to an end, though, and I’d say that it might well be a good thing. The internet provides ready access to news, but should it be provided gratis to the detriment of established news gathering and reporting enterprises? How are we better served should our papers and reporters disappear?

While online news reports can combine print with audio and video, the idea that they can continue to prosper without the foundation of solid reporting and editing cannot be supported. But rather than maintain that high level of journalistic excellence long admired in the Fourth Estate, the more conventional news media outlets are lowering their standards by hailing “Breaking News” when it isn’t necessarily so. Of course, most news departments now answer to a parent corporation that seems to be more interested in entertaining than informing so maybe we should be less than surprised.

News in print and, to a lesser degree, on television or radio will never be able to compete with the speed of the web. Their futures, though, are safe so long as they strive to maintain the appropriate standards. The internet is maturing and, as it does, many find that credibility is lacking from many sites. Will I pay for online news? If I have to (I’m not stupid, you know). Or perhaps I’ll renew my subscription to the newspaper if it includes some sort of online coordination. Whatever the final format, we all need timely and accurate information. Dressing it up as “Breaking” leads us only to a tomorrow filled with an ever-increasing level of cynicism.

Priorities

In perusing yesterday’s New York Times, I was struck by the number of times I thought to myself, “What are they trying to accomplish here?” It’s important to have priorities, but sometimes agendas collide and, when they do, the outcome is something less than noble. For instance:

A German diocese is under the bright lights for the mishandling of abuse while the current Pope was its archbishop. It seems that a priest was accused of molestation, entered therapy, and thereafter returned to his prior pastoral position. While Benedict admits to approving the therapy, a subordinate is taking full responsibility for the reassignment. I can’t help but wonder if someone is falling on his sword to protect higher-ups. This would be far from the first instance of such behavior, but the priority of protection seems misplaced with regard to truth and accountability.

The FCC is proposing a renewed commitment to providing high speed internet access to all areas of the country. There can be little argument that technology and the way we communicate is going in that direction and there can be little argument that we would all gain from the availability of DSL and the like. Nevertheless, companies entrenched in the business of providing computer, cable, television and telephone services are resisting this initiative. Why would they do such a thing? Perhaps they would be forced to upgrade their offerings or relax their grip on near-monopolistic enterprises. Money, in other words. (Or perhaps profits would be more appropriate.) It’s not that they’d make nothing, but only that they’d make less. With the overall gains that individuals and communities would realize, though, it seems that, once again, the priorities are bass-ackwards.

For the first time, South Africa (and Africa, in general) will host World Cup Soccer matches in June. Four games will be played in a new $137 million stadium near Nelspruit that is surrounded by some of the most deprived areas in the world. Mud houses and dirt roads are the norm. Once again, there is nothing new about splendid venues erected amid squalor, but yet again that nasty question about priorities rears up.

The Tea Party, it seems, is steering clear of divisive social issues such as gay marriage and abortion rights. Is it because these issues have no place in politics or because they’d just as soon get as many in their tent before turning to a more strident agenda? Bait and switch, in other words. And in a conservative-related story, the Texas Board of Education seemed to re-write history in establishing new text book guidelines that glorify Ronald Reagan while minimizing Thomas Jefferson. Historically, the Board held sway over the curricula in other states simply by virtue of the number of books Texas ordered. Now, with digital printing, one can only hope such partisanship can be kept within a state boundary. And in both cases, objectivity or honesty takes a lower priority to enrollment and the furthering of specific agendas.

Google seems to be at odds with China over censorship. The Chinese government seems bent on filtering the information available to its citizenry and Google, of course, specializes in all things informative. A no-brainer, right? Tell China to pound sand, pull out of the country, and trust in the creativity of the Chinese common-folk to establish avenues of unfettered access. Ouch! There’s that profit thing again. Oh well, what’s a little loss of freedom when compared to a boatload of yuan?

And finally, a soldier awarded the Silver Star for his meritorious actions during the battle of Wanat, Afghanistan is now subject to a reprimand for poor preparation in the days preceding the battle. WTF? Captain Matthew Meyer is the poor soul caught in this nightmare and, unlike the Catholic official taking one for the Pope, he is being scapegoated, pure and simple. Both scenarios obfuscate accountability, justice, and honor, but one is voluntary while the other is sacrificed in the name of expediency. While the volunteer may be seen as more “honorable”, I’d say we’re picking fly poop out of pepper because neither brings us closer to a responsible conclusion while producing innocent roadkill.

Pragmatism certainly seems to take a higher priority than more altruistic aims, doesn’t it? So should we all shrug and climb on board the “if I don’t do it, someone else will” train? I should hope not. If we lose our priorities and place right and wrong below more immediate and profitable agendas we serve only to hasten our descent into a world where “I” and “mine” are forever superior to “you”, “yours”, or “ours”.

March Madness

If only the upcoming NCAA basketball tournament was the most important issue of the day. Alas, the madness I refer to is a smattering of events that reflect, in various ways, the state of our society.

Recently, a captive Orca whale at Sea World killed an experienced trainer. Yes, I know that it occurred in February, but the discussion continues into March. And the discussion centers on the wisdom of using wild beasts to entertain the masses. On one side, were it not for zoos and other wildlife centers, our familiarity with critters would be minimal. So what? Well, without that familiarity, we don’t put a face on the beasts and their futures are far less assured. We learn of their value and role within the ecosystem. On the other side, though, do we need to see them flying through the air with humans on their back? Or on stage with two guys in Vegas? Or in one of three rings under the Big Top? There is a fine line between education and exploitation, profit and progress. One would think that we could put the welfare of all involved ahead of corporate coffers. Apparently, we have not come to that point yet. In the meantime, though, it is madness to be shocked when a captive turns on the captor. Nothing personal...simply the nature of the beast.

This past week, madness arose at the Pentagon where a man opened fire and wounded two police officers. John Bedell appeared to be a normal, well-dressed individual until he brandished his weapon and opened fire. He died from his wounds. Reports suggest he was suffering from a variety of mental disorders. Regardless, no one can refute the anti-Washington sentiment flowing freely through today’s conversation. Such language serves to inflame already simmering resentments and may sometime serve as the catalyst for those who are familiar with Mr. Bedell’s demons. His “madness” may have been multi-faceted, but today’s atmosphere of distrust and emotional rhetoric causes some to make the leap from rational to rabid. Again, to be surprised at such leaps is, in itself, madness.

Yet another form of madness appeared in the shape of harmless interaction between a father and his children. The father in question is an air traffic controller in the tower of New York’s Kennedy International Airport. He allowed his children to make routine transmissions to departing aircraft. He did not leave them unsupervised and more than likely rehearsed their lines well in advance. Nevertheless, he is now suspended (as is his supervisor) for this breach of protocol. Gadzooks! A child on the radio? This is tantamount to your Doctor’s child asking you to say “Ahhhh” as Dad examines your mouth. Or your attorney’s child objecting when prodded by Pop. Simple exclamations that have nothing to do with the overall efficiency or outcome of the proceedings. The FAA seems intent upon making an example of this controller. Why? They have been something less than successful in upgrading the equipment used by their controllers or the pay and benefits of the controller force. They do not seem as intent on attracting new controllers in the numbers required to replace an aging workforce or addressing the associated fatigue and shortage of manpower. Maybe this “bring your child to work” brouhaha is something they feel up to and they hope you don’t notice the elephants in the room while they swat at the mosquitoes. Madness? With a capital M!

Allow me to paraphrase “Man of LaMancha” when Don Quixote defines the greatest degree of madness as “seeing things as they are and not as they should be.” Perhaps the best thing to do is immerse ourselves in the roundball tourney if, for no other reason, to find some semblance of sanity. It sure seems to be in short supply as of late. And whether you’re a college hoops fan or not: take heart for seeing things as they should be.

One Helluva Bad Idea

Well, California's done it again: last week the Assembly voted to approve “No Cussing Week”. I can only hope that other state legislatures have enacted similar resolutions if for no other reason than commiseration. It seems that a teen-aged boy came up with the idea of refraining from “cussing” for a week. When a cuss word was uttered, a fee was paid to the Cuss Jar and, at the end of the week, all proceeds went to charity. This idea is so wrong on so many fronts that I just had to set aside more trivial matters and set my sights on this as the issue of the week.

First of all, please define cussing. Is it simply the taking of the lord’s name in vane (God#%&it)? Or does it include more common expletives (s&*t, hell, damn, dammit, f@$k, and so on)? We need some specific guidelines here if we are to abide by the law of the land.

And if the money obtained from cussing goes to charity and charity is a worthy cause, shouldn’t we then encourage cussing for a week? Look at the oodles of money we could collect! Instead, we discourage cussing and the collection jar diminishes accordingly. Is civil language trumping the needy? I sure as hell hope not!

And what about the legislators that have been caught up in this? I cannot think of one state or locality with no business of a higher priority on its plate, can you? Is this a desperate demonstration of bipartisanship? An example of how well we can get along (so long as it doesn’t involve anything of import)? I’d be ashamed to even entertain such a motion when urgent business awaits.

And finally, we get to today’s language itself. Granted, over the years once-thought-of expletives have crept into our vernacular. And, in some cases, they have overwhelmed what was once-thought-of as civil discourse. But the majority of folks, I’d say, recognize situations where letting it all hang out is inappropriate. Do you really believe that electronic media personalities never swear? Or lawyers or doctors? (I’ll omit pilots because everyone knows that we sure as hell do.) Yup, you can bet your gosh-darned boots they can swear up a blue streak when called upon. Well, most, anyway. My point lies in the fact that removing the more profane from our lexicon also removes the spice from conversation. There are times to use it and times to resist. To suggest that abstinence from expletives makes us a better society is ludicrous and creates nothing but a façade.

Some have commented on the profanity in my book. I believe that the words chosen were germane and not gratuitous. A book is not available to the public at large in the same sense as this weekly offering. That is why you see little or no “cussing” on this site. It is not because those phrases might not apply. Choosing the right time and place to either orate with grace or proselytize from the gutter is the thing. To attempt to remove such terms is akin to taking all the flavor from our foods: we’d be left with a pretty bland conversation.

The "Other" Deficit

It’s hard to find a newspaper or newscast that doesn’t include some reference to the deficit. And we all recognize the term to specifically refer to our present financial situation. There is another deficit running through our country and I’d say the failure to address it holds far more dire consequences.

The “other” deficit is one of faith in the various systems and organizations created to provide an orderly resolution to the problems we face everyday. The latest example of this faith deficit was last week’s air raid on an IRS building in Austin, TX. The seemingly mild-mannered pilot flew his small aircraft into a particular building for a particular reason. He is being painted as a lone crazy. While I agree that he was acting alone, I believe his “craziness” would be better described as an utter loss of faith in a system supposed to hear grievances and settle disputes fairly. I believe this guy lost all hope and, in its place, became desperate with nothing to lose and nothing of promise in his future.

We’’ll return to this particular event in a moment, but let’s first take a look at some specific social deficits:

1. The corporate morality deficit: With ever burgeoning executive pay and a wider gap between those that have and have not, American businesses have lost their moral compass (conscience, if you prefer). No one expects the demise of the profit motive but too few are gaining on the backs of the too many.
2. The respect deficit: From the workplace to the family room, respect is so scarce that, if it were an animal, it would be an endangered species. Figures that once enjoyed respect due to their position are ridiculed and ignored. Parents find an abyss of disdain as they attempt to instill a sense of responsibility and accountability in their children.
3. The recognition deficit: It seems that the ability to recognize other perspectives and individuals as possessing any type of validity is rapidly disappearing. We ignore the homeless and we disregard opinions that run counter to our set of beliefs. “I” and “we” have usurped “you” to the point where compromise in society, business, or politics borders on the impossible.

As this societal, corporate, and political deficit worsens, folks lose hope. They lose faith in the future and the ability to believe that the “system” will work for them. They are isolated and frustrated with nowhere to turn. So they become desperate and the illogical quickly becomes reasonable: if I’m going down, I’m going to take someone with me who’s responsible for my plight.

Such is the case with the Texan pilot and the IRS, I’d say. Or the teacher denied tenure or the worker bee passed over for promotion. Without faith in the system and hope for a better result, violence should not be a surprising end game. What is to be done?

An excellent question, but to answer it we must first acknowledge the problem. And therein lies the rub: no one within the maze of political or social departments can afford to admit that these acts of violence are something more than random, lone-wolf events. To do so would also acknowledge the inability to carry out their mandates of fairness, progress, and the reasonable settlement of disputes. Don’t expect anyone to stand up anywhere and say that they’re dong a lousy job. Keep in mind that even the lowest peon on any organizational chart is trying to keep that paycheck coming in. No, there’ll be no mea culpa from our powers-that-be and that only ensures similar examples of this “other” deficit will continue.

We are all beset with an endless list of demands and bad news. To throw our hands up in surrender solves nothing. Let us try to find that one ray of sun peeking out amongst the storm clouds. It may be just a thread, but it offers us something to grasp as we try to find that elusive better day. I may well be preaching to the choir, but it falls upon us choristers to try and keep our brethren from falling prey to this “other”, more dangerous deficiency.