We Need a New Drug

Huey Lewis was on to something, to be sure, but the “new drug” I’m referring to must be administered to the numerous senior managers within corporate America who have lost their moral compass. Their maladies are varied and I’ll list a few:

ADD (Accountability Deficit Disorder): Many executives find it difficult to admit to nefarious activities within their companies. “I do not recall” or “I wasn’t involved in those discussions” or “I was out of the loop” are common disclaimers. Do you think for one minute that one titan of industry, what with a monstrous ego, would allow an organization to wander, willy-nilly, into areas of skullduggery? I don’t. This disorder requires a prescription that brings about an admission of knowledge (and guilt) from those that steer the corporate vessel.

AIDS (Aversion to Information Dependability Syndrome): It is clear that many of those on the upper rungs of the corporate ladder have no desire to pass along reliable and accurate information to the worker bees toiling on their behalf. Rather, they employ a program of fear, uncertainty, and doubt (FUD) so as to keep their minions in a constant state of agitation. This is seen as essential in gaining the most leverage and, without it, rebellion within the rank and file is more likely. This syndrome can be treated with medication that induces honesty when dealing with employees.

OCD Type 1 (Outsourcing Compulsion Disorder): This disorder causes executive teams to turn to foreign workers as a means of lowering costs and increasing profits. It is accompanied by a form of myopia which clouds the long range consequences of such behavior.

OCD Type 2 (Outrageous Compensation Disease): While this condition does not necessarily follow type 1 OCD, it is widely seen as an inevitable progression. The salaries of most CEO’s and their ilk are directly tied to recent profits and/or stock prices. The short term result of outsourcing is a dramatically improved bottom line. Naturally, the stock price soars, too. The myopia associated with type 1 begins to subside and the boss sees the prudence in taking his bag(s) of gold and hitting the road before the implosion begins.

(Are there more corporate diseases, disorders, and syndromes? Of course there are. As a matter of fact, feel free to come up with a few and pass them on to me. I’ll include your submissions in a future column. While I’ve tried to stay true to established medical acronyms, I see no need to similarly restrict your creativity.)

Capitalism is our preferred economic model, but it is in abysmal condition due to the absence of any morality playing a role in corporate decision-making. Spend a couple of hours with Michael Moore and watch his latest documentary on capitalism. Left or right, I believe you will leave the theater with a different opinion of our pillars of finance and business.

So come on, you pharmaceutical phenoms: find those new drugs that replace unbridled greed with a conscience that places value on all the components of a successful economy: the bosses, the workers, the investors, and the customers. Otherwise, we are left with nothing but the quagmire in which we currently find ourselves. We need a new drug...or a new model.